Truly,truly....

HAPPY NEW YEAR, 2009!!!

feeling down this week...got fever + flu + cough,cough,cough...huhu..in addition,also those ulcers...wuwu..very,very painful u know!!but then..even in all these pain i'm going through,someone manage to touch my heart..i'm meant figuratively,of course...

he cared about me so much that i felt touched and...happy.yes.happy.

last week,after going through all those mind boggling exams,he surprised me by showing up at nilai,to send me home...my home..at gombak..SURPRISE!!

anyway,i did not expect him to do that for me...to come all the way from ampang,then pick me up at nilai and drive me home...even mama was surprised he did that...i'm really,really touched...

then,during my worse days of sickness,should i emphasis on WORSE DAYS,he's still with me..nursing me..put aside the fact that he's a male nurse of course...he accompanied me to the clinic, made sure i get all the meals...made sure i ate the medicine on time...

i can honestly say,no guy have ever done like that,treat me that way...ever!

meeting this guy, getting to know him...i can surely say, that's the best thing that happened to me during 2008...apart from getting my license,or starting college and many more...

getting to know this one,particular guy...made my 2008, a memorable year..

cause he showed,taught,give,presented and many more that he did..that truly touched my heart...

now these is one of the friendship i'll treasure forever=)

How Could They...

How could my college gave my group only 1 day of christmas holiday while others get 5 days??
The reason they gave was we have exams on 24th and 26th...and it's unavoidable...
huh....Then on New Year's, i still have to come for junior registration...which is another holiday minus...but that one can be replace on any other day that i want..
How could friends stab behind my back when i helped then in their times of need?
But who am i to judge people...i can't even judge myself.haha
But i know what I could do...i could care less about them, i could break these rules and skip exams, i could even do things which is not myself.. But i know i wouldn't...
Because someone taught me, "it's better to do good with people then being trashed with, rather than be evil with others then being hated to"
hey..that's somehow true.=)

As time pass by..

As time pass by, things changes accordingly..
we can't hope that everything will stay the same forever..
some changes may turn out to our likeness but some may not..
but..that's what we have to do...to learn to adapt ourselves to new things...to changes..

things changes in my life lately...i'm not talking about a total trnabout...
but it's not as it's used to be before.. i've had conflicts..i've earned new friends..an lost some...
i've grew closer to some..and apart from others...but it's not like i planned all these to happen..
i don't..but that what i have to deal with...to learn to accept and adapt to changes...in my life..

these changes... in certain aspects,made me happier than before..because i'm nearly getting what i want..but to get that,i grew apart from my bestfriend..this change,i dont really like...
i know people say,friendship is important than things..

i'm torn between friendship..and relationship...i dare not make any decision..
i never really have the courage to make the decision in my life..
normally my family did it for me...and this time,my bestfrriend made it for me...
by growing apart from me...and i'll have to teach myself to accept that..and move on..

it's not like i can't always be there for my bestfriends..i'm always there....
it's just up to them either to see me as i am....or to see me as they want...
and i know, it's not the same munierah that we're talking about..

it's just not the same...

Creampuffs!!

It's been soooo long since the last time i did pastry with my sis....

Today, we did cream puff which is "sedap giler" okay!!!haha..

Actually, my sis was the one who makes it..i was the one who "supervise"..wakakaka

i was the tester, easily put.hehe..that's my favourite job!

anyway, this is how the process and the delicious cream puff looks like.

~ This is it before entering the OVEN ~

~ TADA!!! Transformed after exiting the oven ~

~ This is where they "lined up" before being baked ~

~ Hooray!! survived the heat as a team! ~

~ This is my creation! Haha. My sis was the round one.. ~

L.O.V.E

love hurts...so much...
it's either hurts you, or makes you hurts people..
that's why i'm not really a fan of love..

sometimes love takes you higher than the sky...
and sometimes it brings you lower than hell..

love makes us happy,makes us smile and laugh gaily..
love makes us cry for joy and happiness..also in sadness and sorrow...
love teaches us to share, to care...
it teaches us to dare, to dream...

love opens oppurtunities for us...
shows us the high and low, the up and down in life..

so why is it,that all of us are longing for love?
longing for this one specific particular feeling?
is it because we want to be love?
or we want to give love?

i also dont know which one is it...
because i'm afraid of love..
it hurt me onced...and made me hurt other people a lot of times already...

I dont hate love....i just have no reason to like it...

which one...

People say,we know when the time comes..
when enough is simply enough..
when to stop what we're doing..
when to give up..and follow the flow..
when to walk away from the game..
when to simply stop,give up,walk away...and let go...

but how do we really know,that's it's the right step..that's it's the right time

i've been searching for the signs..the right moment to stop..to give up and let go...
but i know i can't...somehow,i can't..because each time i felt like leaving,there's always something else that makes me wants to keep holding on...always..

but at certain times...when i realized the real,full truth in front of me,when i know i'm living in a world full of reality and not fantasy..i can't help but feeling i had enough...i suffered enough...my heart suffered enough...

but each time i think of leaving,of letting go...of forgetting you..
yoiu always did something that makes me forget about saying goodbye...you always did things that convinced me,leaving you is the wrong decision...that now is not the right time...that i still want a lot more with you...

but when i'm by myself...alone with my thoughts...i pity my heart...because it keeps on breaking everytime i think about you and her..and my tears will keep on coming for you...whether happy tears,or sad tears...but your actions..your words..the way you treat me..tells me that i shouldn't stop...shouldn't give up...tells me that i shouldn't let go..because if i did..i'll be letting go of you,of our memories..of everything we did all these while...if i let you go,i'll be saying goodbye to one of the most memorable thing that happened in my life...

right now..i'm confused...if i let go,i'll regret it everyday..for the rest of my life...
but if i don't..i have to prepare myself,my heart and my life...for two seperate ways..
either i'll find happiness and happy memories with you later on...
or..i'll be breaking my heart so bad that it'll be beyond repair...and lives in halucination and old memories...

both decision...i dare not make right now...

Why boys lie....and girls cry

WHY BOYS LIE

there are many reasons why boys lie...in my point of view,here are some of the reasons:-

-they do it just for fun.
-they do it to protect us from being hurt.
-they do it to cover whatever they did wrong.
-they do it to make us feel better.
-they do it so that they dont have to argue much with us.
-they do it to make themselves feel better.
-they do it to make the world a better place...for them.
-they do it so that they dont have to think much.

there are many other reasons that i couldnt bring myself to type it here...but that's generally why boys lie in my opinion..emphasis on MY OPINION.

WHY GIRLS CRY

-they cry because they feel sad.
-they cry because they feel terribly sad.
-they cry just because they feel like it.
-they cry because they're heart broken.
-they cry because they want to.
-they cry because their heart felt empty.
-they cry because they are happy.
-they cry for other people's troubles.
-they cry for their loved ones.
-they cry out of no reason.
-they cry because they are girls.

crying is like one of my hobby nowdays...one of my routine..
sometimes even i don't know why i cry...the tears just falls down without warning or early signs...but after crying,i felt a bit better than before...

there are tears of joy and happiness...there are also tears of sadness and sorrow..
i dont know which tears that fell down on my cheeks...that swam in my eyes...
but it really relieves me after a few minutes of crying...
i know some people dont like seeing me cry,but i cant stop myself from producing these tears...
for it is an involuntary action,a response towards what my heart is feeling at the moments...

why boys lie...maybe they did it at our best interest at their hearts and mind..
but sometimes they may also lie to get away from whatever they have done...
i cant assumed that all boys lie for the same reason because it depends on the situation...just like why the girls cry...but i,for one,can admit that at times....girls just cry because the boys just lie...

u may not agree with my post but what the heck...it's just my opinion...
u can voice out yours...either by commenting this post...or simply just write your own blog.

lyrics and songs

this is 1 song,that whenever i hear it,ifelt like crying so much...

"Kau membuat ku berantakan
Kau membuat ku tak karuan
Kau membuat ku tak berdaya
Kau menolakku acuhkan diriku
Bagaimana caranya untuk
Meruntuhkan kerasnya hatimu
Ku sadari ku tak sempurna
Ku tak seperti yang kau inginkan
[Reff]
Kau hancurkan aku dengan sikapmu
Tak sadarkah kau telah menyakitiku
Lelah hati ini meyakinkanmu
Cinta ini membunuhku...."

and another song,that makes me thing about that one person...and what he had done..it's just too much to think about..

kamu yang bawa ku terbang
kamulah jua yang membawa cintake jalannya...
kamu yang bawa ku terbang
ke bintang kejora cinta kita
kekal untuk selamanya..

if i were to type out all the lyrics,it'll take too much space...
but these particular part of the song,these lyrics,it really meant a lot to me...

through times we've changed...we are not who we thought we were..
you're not who i thought you were...but you gave a whole new meaning of life to me..
you show me things i refused to look at before...you helped me through ups and downs..
for that,i thank you...for caring so much about me...

Challenges...and friends

This post is actually dedicated to a person,whose been having problems and under terrible pressure right now...although i now he wont read this blog,i still feel like writing this story here.

Our life isn't as easy as 1,2,3...nor does it as simple as A,B,C... There will be a part in our life, (or maybe many parts), when troubles and challenges comes... Destroying peace and harmony in our mind and soul... But everytime these things happen, we should know that it happens for a reason.. That's what people taught me about.. That everything happens for a reason...

Take times to realize the situation... sometimes,just by closing our eyes,take a deep breath and count to 10 will also help soothes our feelings that may be like the rough waves at the sea during a terrile storm...

Although sometimes we feel like we want to shut the whole world out of our life, having a person to share our problems and feelings helps...a lot.. Dont try to keep it all to yourself for it will only eats you,day by day...

I learn from experience that not everything goes the way we planned it... Sometimes obstacle, challenges occurs...These are the time for us to learn new things...even if we dont like it,one day these lessons will help us in the future..

so,to my dear friend,who are having troubles to overcome the challenges in life, i'm not saying that i'm any better than you are... because sometimes,i myself have troubles and can't overcome it...but having a friend by yourside,to share your worries with,to figure out a way to solve problems...just to have a friend to talk to when you think the world is at its end,having a friend helps...Everytime i'm facing my challenges in life,you are always there to help me...to guide me through and just stick with me...now,give me a chance to return the favor...give me a chance to be with you...to be your friend...

As people say,a friend in need is a friend indeed!

GOODBYE

tomorow,i'll be going back to Nilai.. It's the end of my holiday.. huhu..Cannot wake up late anyore..got classes to go..
But i'm looking forward to keep myself busy..keep busy so that i wont think about my problems and the emptiness in my heart..
how do we say goodbye to someone,and mean it...i mean,really really mean goodbye..
which means letting go and never turning back...
how do we say it?i dont know...because everytime i say goodbye..i will always turn back..
and when people say goodbye to me..it'll break my heart..

"i remember when we kissed,
i still feel it on my cheeks..
the time that you danced with me,
with no music playing..
i remember the simple things,
i remember till i cried..
but the memory i wished i'd forget,
is goodbye..."

"GOODBYE" by miley cyrus

cookies!!

yeah!!!my cookies is finally baked!!!
delicious2!!ahahaha..look at me,praising myself.."tak tawu malu"..ehehe
what do i care..what i know is,these frosted nut and chocolate chips cookies really are delicious!!
dont believe me??later i give sample..first come first serve...ahaks=p
anyway,after going back to college,cannot bake cookies anymore...except on weekends and when i come back for raya holiday...other than that,have to stay at college and study!!huhu

raya this year..bit unseasonal...dont know why...but,it's a bit....dull..huhu..
but i'm hoping this year,that boy can come "beraye" at my house!!hehe..that would really be awesome!!ahaha=p

till then...later!!

cuti3!!

*this one is an exception because it is written in bahasa rojak=p*

ahaha...cuti nak abish da...ade about,3 days lg kot...
wuwu..x dpt housemate yg same kot...rindu my bestie!uhuhu
nyway,td pack2 brg..gler smangat!!ahaha...then baru tecari2..uniform x jumpe ouh!ahaha
tula..dari start cuti tu,lps letak kat washing machine tros x pk da psl uniform...skang nk naek sem baru tercari2..ehehe..alah,ade la tu...somewhere...hehe

still..x sabar nak start blaja!!padahal ape yg blaja sem 1 da lupe da..ahaha=p
alah...korang pown same jgk...mesti da lupe ape yg korang blaja dolu2 kan2??hehe
nyway,skarang bulan puase..pack makanan nak bwk g sane mcm kat sane x de mknn plaks...ahaks=p
over excited la katekan...ahaha..bkn ape...kite prepare je awal2...mane x gune tu nnt bwk la balek umah...huhu=p

k lah2!!ade keje...before balek hostel nnt post lgk ek=p
hehe...bye2~

Wah....

Holiday....so bored!Not really actually...i managed to meet up with some old school mates..
Other than that..i don't think i've complished anything this holiday except for gaining weight and eat,eat and EAT! Hahahaha...God, i love eating! ahaha..

Anyway,i can't believe i'm writing this..but i'm really looking forward to the start of 2nd sem...actually i'm excited to meet up with my friends again and continue my college life...
Somehow, i'm attached and became too familiar with it that at times i feel like my home is my hostel and my hostel is my home... It's creepy!

anyway.. at least i learned something this holiday... That life is all about choices...! I think..hehe..
We make choices everyday in almost everything that we do..Emphasize on the ALMOST..
Like early in the morning we make choices on what to have for breakfast (eating again=p), choices on what to wear, what to do.... And as life grows older, the choices becomes harder on certain things... But! if we think it through and weigh out the pros and cons, good and bad, profits and damages.. liabilty and aset...if we think about everything thoroughly, we could make the right choice.. But it all depends on the individual himself...plus, not all choices that we choose is always right... Somehow, dont know when, we might tend to make the wrong choices... But don't worry.. That will teach us to be more careful in making choices later in the future! It'll teach us to be more cautious and learn new experiences to add in our diary of life!

yay!holiday!

i'm now on a semester break..i've just ended my first semester..it was tough but i managed to get through it just fine..the final exam wasn't really what i expected but well..i came through okay i think..haha..

i'm enjoying my holiday...without assignment to think about,without homework to be done..without test to be worried about!haha...i'll worry about the results when the second semester opens=p

i miss my cousin!!it's been a loooong time since i've last seen her..i really,really can't wait to see her again..i also miss my sister..can't wait to see her too!
it's only been a few days since our holiday started and i've missed my friends already...especially my housemates which always brightens my morning and ends my day with laughter...miss you girls!!

college life is a fun phase for me..it's challenging..but it also taught me a lot of things...educational wise and life-experiences wise...i hope what i learnt in this time will help in making me a better person in the future..hope so!

nowdays...

nowdays...i've just sat for my midterm exam...the questions was okay...not to hard,not to easy...
college life is quite boring right now..there's nothing interesting going on right now..
some of my friends are on their midterm hoiliday so the college is quite dead without them...there's no more our usual group that lift up the college spirit...making noise here and there...i can't wait for them to come back...another 13 days!!

lovewise?i like someone here and i think he likes me too...but we're not trying to hurry or anything...we're in the phase of getting to know each other...i mean,i have 3 years here...we will be seeing each other most of the days for 3 years??many thing could happened by then=p

careerwise?i'm more confident now with my decision to persue my career as a physiotherapists..my lecturer told me that Malaysia is in need of qualified physiotherapists...so the chances of getting a job is always there...

motivational wise?i'm determine to achieve 4 flat in my examinations...i dream of getting sponsored for my second sem and so on so that i could save money on other things...which mean,to achieve that i have to study hard....so what i'm doing here now,is not studying...hehehe...
ok2,i'm stepping off now....i'll be back for more news on my life...till then,tata!

college life

wahahaha...i miss blogging!
life as a college student is....well,interesting..i'm trying not to repeat my mistakes when i'm in school..i'm trying to find the real me inside myself...well,more like finding the part of me that i never knew of...what?what am i babbling?haha..i also don't know..but i'm trying to corrected myself where i do wrongs before..
first month already and HELLO DRAMA!
I've made new friends..new acquaintance.. and also,it comes together with the package as usual,new enemies!but never mind..as long as i dont hurt anyone or try to find faults with others..i think i'll be fine...
Love wise?i dont think so..haha..there's like 40 boys and 150 girls there..and i rather pick friendship than relationship anyday..
career wise?i think i'll enjoy being a physiotherapist..it looks like a promising subject..even though the books are OMG SO THICK!but i'll survive..right?as long as i think before i do anything,i'm sure i'll survive all these...

missed

This is my last week before i go to PNC College.. things are happening so fast..i felt like i've just started middle school yesterday and now,i'm going to college.. How fascinating time is..
i'm excited that i'm moving on...but i also feel scared,nervous and sad that i had to leave some of the stuff that i love...i'm sure going to miss my room,my family..miss baking cakes every saturday..miss the trips to KLCC everyday other day..i'm sure going to miss passing by a special home that i used to look..miss my nieces and nephews...my friends,i think a little bit...

But i know i'm going for a better future...and to learn to be independant..
i hope i'll get a good room mate=p

so,i'm still going to write in this blog..just,maybe not as frequent as i used to..heck,no one ever read this blog except me anyway,what do i care=)

the worlds..

nowdays,there's many things thats going on around the world...the global warming,the nature disasters...the wars.. the general elections everywhere...the controversianal Fitna film..the olympics together with Tibet-tians fight for independance..in Malaysia,in fact...the quarrel between politicians..the blaming-each-other things...the point-your-finger-to-them...but in the middle of these chaotic world,i felt nothing...i don't feel like i'm part of this world..in fact,as i looked through all the things thats been happening lately,i dont think i want to be part of the world...it's so depressing! no one seems to know about relaxing anymore...people just want to bite each others head and be grouchy all the time...the world is no longer the happy place i used to be introduced to...or maybe i'm no longer in that world...i'm in the world where even being nice is also wrong...being helpfull is more useless and to care about others is like asking for troubles yourself...But i guess it's time for me to learn to good and bad,the sugar and spice, the sweet and sour,and the ups and downs of living in the adults world...the REAL world...

i dont know what the future may brings...i could bring disaster for me or it could bring more challenges for me...it could also bring me back the world that used to be a better place...either one,i hope i can handle it and get through it by making the right decisions...i've made quite a number of wrong ones before ..but like people say,we'll learn through our mistakes...right?
i just hope mine would teach me on how to live my life better...without crossing other people and hurt others as well...

i tend to do what i think is best for others...but for that actions,i got myself in troubles..
i care about others, and that would ended me up by having enemies...
i kept quiet and do nothing..that would results me to live in a world full of hatred and anger..

what is happening to MY WORLD right now???

life is a piece of cake..

umm...cake? There are many types of cakes out there...which one are you?I prefer to be the chocolate cake...It's yummy!!Anyway,people often thinks life is a piece of cake..that is to say,life is easy..

But for me,my interpretation for this statement is that life is not easy..It's like baking a cake..in my case,Chocolate cake..To bake a cake,we need to follow the steps,the recipe and decorate it to make it look delicious!In life,we need to follow our plans,add some "spices", and decorate it with suitable things to make it happier!

The steps in the baking means the order of mixing ingredients.In life,it means the steps of our journey through life..like studies,works,marriage,vacations....

The recipe in the baking means flour,coco powder,butter,sugar and all that stuff...In life,it means the love,lust,sadness,happiness and all that stuff...

The decoration in baking refers to the icing on top,the chocolate coating or maybe the whipcream!In life,it's the people you choose to live through your life with like family,friends and associates..

The cake would taste even better if we share it with others...Same as our life...it'll be sweeter if we share it with our loves one..it won't taste the same if we eat the cake all alone...same as our life...we need company to enjoy the times...good and bad times...

my bestfriend...

I live with my family here at Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.I also live with my cousin,Sasha. We have been living together since we were 10. We grew being each other bestfriend but sometimes, somethings we just had to compete with each other. Education for example, i had to compete with her to get good results. Sasha, i admit, is a beautiful girl,the type we call "cun" right here in Malaysia. She also has a good sense of humor and fashion. She always has the latest trends in her wardrobe, which is totally opposite of me. I am more of the basic simple type. I can put on a pair of jean and T-shirt while Sasha could take about 15 minutes to put together a casual outfit!! It's always great to have someone to talk about, to share things that only teenage girls know about... But sometimes i just can't help it but feeling jealous towards her. She can have any guy in this world! I,on the other hand,are very weak at getting into relationships. But i have more guy friends than girlfriends.i'm more comfy with them as my friends.
Tomorow, my SPM results will be announced.Guess we have to compete again to see who comes out top.But i'm not complaining..it's good competition..it motivates me to study harder and do things more serious.Even though sometimes i just hate her and feels like i want to throw her out of my life,i just knew i will never do that...cause Sasha is just like the other half of me...She's the wild type..the one which always want to be the center of attention,the one that most guy dreams to have as girlfriends..not me though..i'm more down-to-earth type..the sensible one between us both..the one that always help Sasha everytime she got stuck meddle with something else..that's me!

my thought

here's a thought.teenagers are always associated with love,lust and studies.
i've been through all i can say that love hurts more than study!!
but,i manage to go through its challenges and learned that to love someone,u have to love yourself first.so, FYI, im single =)
for my studies, ryte now i haven't started university yet so i'm doing part time work at KL Hyperbaric Centre to support my life. it's quite enjoyable as my colleagues are friendly and helpful.
i miss my school life because right now,i seldom see my friends. before this, they're the reason i went to school every morning. now that we have gone seperate ways, i miss all of them...
but i know that life has to go on, that we must keep moving forward and let go of the past..
i can do that..what i can't do is let go of the man i first come to love,truly,with my heart.