feeling....idontknow?

i dont know..what certain peoples' problems are...

i dont know..what people think of me...

i dont know..if i can make it through this time in college..

i dont know..if i can hold back my anger to certain people..

i dont know..if i can be patience all the time..

i dont know..what the future may brings..

i dont know..if i can smile all day..

i dont know..if i can laugh all day..

i dont know..if i can stay this way..

i dont know..if i can tell everyone the real truth..

i dont know..how to face this world..alone..

there are many things that i dont know..that i'm not sure of..

but some of it i found out with the help of my friends..my family...

but most of it..i have to find out on my own..

how do i do that?but still have a smile on face, a laugh in my life...and a dream in my future?

how?how ?

how to tell people...to let go?

how to say..thank you in the most sincerest way?

how to say.... goodbye?

i dont like being an outcast..

i dont like being alone...

i dont like being left alone..

but sometimes...that helps prepare others when i wont be here any longer..

somehow...it helps me living without others...

is that how this is all supposed to be?supposed to end?

I DONT KNOW..

Life

What is the real reason we live? To fulfill our dreams and fill our life with good things..

To do wrong things,to make mistakes...and learn from them...

To find our way out through problems...to make others laugh with us...

Why do we need friends? Because we can't stand alone in this world..

That's why we rely on others... That's why we need others to survived..

We cannot face the challenges alone.. Who's gonna help us if we fall down... If we're at our lowest point? Who's gonna be there to share our joy and laugh with us when we're at our happiest moment?

In this life..we need to give and take..

We cannot expect others to listen to us all the time..

But we must stand up for what we believe for...if the time and place is suitable..

We have to sometimes let go and listen to others...follow other people ideas..

I know, at times, we think our ideas is the best...

But our views are not the same...

So learn to give and take...

Because sometimes...it's not our satisfaction that's important...

It's the satisfaction of others towards what we do for them...

So, to all of you..learn to tolerate others...and they will tolerate you...

Learn to respect others...and they will learn to respect you...

Learn to appreciate others...and they will appreciate you...

Learn to live with others...and they will certainly adapt to live with you...

SADSADSADSADSADSAD!!!!!

I'm terribly sad and devastated..My beloved rabbit..had died...NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was bitten by 2 stray dogs which managed to enter the garden yesterday morning..

Dafy must have been terrified! It's a good rabbit.. Very..happy i can say..

It goes anywhere it wants to go..and return home at night..every night..

It can be friends with cats, chickens..and who knows what other animals did it became friends with... Dafy,i miss you!! I'm sorry i came back late from college or else i might get to see you again.

The last time i met you was last week..before i go back to college..

you were so adorable, even though you are covered with dirts..

I'm gonna miss seeing you hope around...running around the garden to catch you...

I remembered it took 3 people just to catch you..because you ran so fast...you hop so high..

Dafy..i will always,always,always...remember you..

in loving memory..220607 - 280809

how smal...and cute..and CLEAN you were...

you grew bigger...130408

....and dirtier..haha

..and 2 weeks before u "went away"...

Dafy...i miss you...

22nd june 2007 - 28th august 2009

today...

I was damn frustrated that i didn't get to go out today..i hate it..

my father won't allow me to go out inpublic..due to these epidemic H1N1..

Damn those swine flu..i was really looking forward to go out today..i planned to watch G.I. Joe with mirul...but he went with his friends instead..i'm not mad at him.i'm not mad at my dad..

i know he did this to protect me..

this year,i think i set a record of being admitted to hospital..normally,i'll get admitted once a year...

this year, i've already been admitted 4 times i think..now that's kind of disturbing..haha

it's not that i enjoy being in a hospital..being admitted i mean..i hate to trouble everyone else...

to come and visit or to come and stay with me or keep me company..i hate interupting their plans..

that's why usually,when i'm admitted to the hospital,i prefer to stay alone..

i asked my mom not to trouble herself to watch me at hospital..she may come if she want..but i'm not forcing her to take care of me..

as for my sister,all of them the same..i dont want to trouble them..so,i'll let them come whenever they want..

actually,being in a hospital is quite boring but also calmful..relaxing...

i get to spend time with myself...it's a rare oppurtunity for me..haha

anyway,that's all i'm babbling for today...write again later!

hey xera!

hey xera!!

sowie for the late wish...HAPPY 19TH BDAY TO U!!

Hope u are and will always be bless by Allah..

Hope u had a wonderful and joyous life..

Hope our friendship will be there forever for us..

Hope u had the best in every thing in your life..

Hope u had a hea;thy, wealthy and wonderful life..

Happy Birthday,xera!!

Later when we get back to college we'll celebrate ok??

be thankful for your health!

in these past few months, i had a couple series of fainting, vomits and headaches..

i've went through medical check up and found out i have a lesion at my pituitary gland..

as u all knew,it's the most important gland in our body becuase it's controls the master hormones..

usually,before this,i'm not really concerned..i mean,the doctor said the chances of it's getting worse in 1 in a thousand..

i'm that 1 in the thousand.

last week, i fainted in front of the library..i had seizures..thank goodness,my boyfriend was there with me at that time..

i was brought to the Seremban Specialist and check up there. my spasm still hasn't stopped. my right leg and hand can't stop moving,involuntarily.not until 3 days later.

around 9 pm, my mom came and take me back to be admitted to gleneagles, kl.

the doctor says,my condition is getting worse..i have the risk of getiing sick or faint anytime,anywhere..

i can't walk stabily anymore..my family aren't advising me to drive anywhere..

to do all these,i need help and support..

i'm thankful that till now,amirul is always there for me..

helping me and driving me here and there..

and my friends,giving me support from behind..

recently,my classmates had the symptoms of H1N1..

i asked mirul to accompany me nilai..to check on my friends..7 of them were having high fever..and yet the college didn't do anything..i brought along masks and gloves..i only had half an hour to spend with them,because i'm going back to kl..

my mom wont let me stay there..in case i too,get infected..

i did all i can..and said my goodbyes..i didnt know when will i able to see them again..

my doctor says i'm not fit to continue my studies..and even if i did graduate,by miracle,i wont be able to work..i'm losing my ability slowly..my coordination is worsening day by day..

i pray that all my friends can be healthy and are able to achieve thier dreams..

in this moment,i realise, how important health is to us..

now,i just wish i can be healthy like them..free like them..

i have many dreams and goals that i want to succeed..i want to be able to help people heal..

i want to travel around the world,see places..

i want to spend time with my boyfriend,with my friends..

i want to celebrate occasions,goes to movies..

now,i dont know if i can ever do that..i miss being with my friends..

i miss walking freely,jumping happily with others..

i miss it..

to you guys out there,appreciate your health..take good care of it..

i promise i will live my life to the fullest..

and i want all of you to do that to..

mirul,naz,nad,dada,lya,farah,xera,aya,ayie,sue,jue,aiza,nana,dila,biha,zela,ain,fatin,kak ina,elfi,abah,man,dki,ng,kuchai....and so many others...

live ur life..ok?

Happy Bday, Amirul Aizad!!!

hey, syg!

Happy 19th bday!!!sorry this post is a bit late..internet connection breakdown..huhu..

anyway,happy 19th birthday!!sorry i can't be there with u to celebrate..but i'll make it up to u when i get back to college, okay??hehe

hope u'll be bless by Allah and have a good and full life..

and hope,i'll be there in your life, forever=)