A change towards the future

So, here we are again after what...8 years? 9 years? I don't know.
But what i do know is a lot had happen in these years.

First, I got married! Yeah, that happened in 2014.
Then I lost my dad to cancer on 8th December 2015.
Also, I worked at KPJ Tawakkal for 3 years! 2011 -2014. Imagine that. In 3 years i got thru so many challenges and obstacles and met many types of people!
Then my husband got involved with MLM (iwouldvestophimifihadknownearlier)
Thus, leading to me quitting my job and join force with my sister to operate a food delivery service called Tapaulicious. It was going well, till she wanted to try something else so we put the delivery services on hold.
Meanwhile, I had to work so I joined Starbucks at Lingkaran Karak outlet. That was sometime in June 2015. Then my sister told me that she wants to open a cafe. So again, i quit Starbucks after 6 months working. It was a memorable experiences for me and the start of something new (que HSM song) . But I'll elaborate more about that later.

So here we are. March 2018. At the verge of shutting down. Hmmmmm.
It was going well for a while. Then I don't know what happened. Economy? Food not tasty? People getting bored? I don't know. It's sad. We have so much potential. But lack of funding. Which makes it hard. Not fair. Other people don't even make nice food and drinks but they have money so they can continue whatever it is they're selling.

It's sad but we have to be prepared from now on. It can go well, it may not. Who knows.

So back to square one. Job hunting. Should i live up to my dream of becoming the ultimate cashier. Or should I take life seriously and embark on a journey of no return. So dramatic. Hahahahah.

Continue my studies? Reach for the stars? Climb the highest mountain? I don't know. One by one I guess. But no mountain I can reach from being a cashier a JJ I guess.

 

Aku marah, emosi.

Rase nk marah je boleh tak? Nk cite kat sape pun x boleh so nk marah kat sini je bole? Dah pade tempat lain aku ni x de perasaan, baik tulis kat tmpt yg x de perasaan yg x de org perasan.

Dah nk pk nk senang idup kau je mmg susah la kan. G buat dunia sendiri la mcm tu. touching bkn main, falsafah bkn main, sindir bkn main. Last2, diri sendiri buat jgk mcm tu. bende kalau kau sabar sikit, kau dpt yg lg baik. Ni x dpt ape2 lg, x reti sabar, dah nk main hentam org. Pergh. Bengong doh. Kau lebih kurg ape yg aku gambarkan sbg org x gune.

Kau buat kat org mmg x de problem. Semua perfect, kau tak pernah slh. Tp kalau org lain buat ape kau x suke, pom! Mcm langgar undang2 besar kau buat. Perang dunia jdnye. Kau ingt kau ni center gravity? Aku blaja sabar psl da ramai sgt org mcm kau yg aku jumpe. Aku x perfect, ye mmg. Tp aku x berusaha pun nk perfect. Aku cube jge ati org psl aku x nk gadoh tu je. Tp kalau da nk jg org je, sape nk jge aku? Kau? Mmg sampai mampos pun mmg tak la kan! Mcm ape je perangai

Ye, aku marah.

Pn mahani mahmood.. In memory..

My aunt, puan mahani mahmood. She's the bravest and strongest aunt i ever had. She battled with lung cancer for 1 year and 2 months, without any complain or sadness. She endured it with smiles, ensuring others that she's okay..

She never onced asked why is it that she, of all people got it. Cancer. She didn't smoke. She didn't do any hazardous activity. But she's a passive smoker. That contributed to her illness. I hate smokers. Aunt ni took her illness with positive vibe. She accepted it with all her heart. She knows there must be a reason why Allah gave this to her. And she stayed close to Allah.

Aunt ni was a teacher. She had taught me maths in my class before and she's my mathematics tutor. I became so good in maths , thanks to her. I remembered once when two of my classmates entered the class late 30 mins. She throwed them out of the class saying not to enter at all. All of is were shocked, numbed. Me, most of all. She said, "if you couldn't bother to come on time then don't come at all.".
Then there's this one occasion where she throws a marker pen from front to all the way back to the class. The student still remembers it till today.

She may be strict sometime, but she made mathematics fun. It doesn't matter if you didn't pass up your book. As long as you did the exercise, you can pass up anything that you did the exercises and homeworks on. Textbooks, papers, tissues.. You just have to show that you really did it.

She brought me to the tuition place where she taught other kids from other schools. She always picks me up and send me home. Never once that she left me.

I dedicate my A1 in mathematics for my SPM to my dearest aunt ni. Thank you for all that you had taught me.

Another thing i will always remember her by.. Was her marvelous and delicious mee kari! Not one that can eat her's.. None till today.. She made the best! Enough spice, enough flavour. I miss that.

When aunt ni was diagnosed, we were shocked. I saw her from time to time.. But later on, she grew weaker. She stayed at my house occasionally, my mother looked after her.. And she'll get better. Last year i could still visit her at her house during hari raya. Last month she was here with me.. One of her worst condition. I went out late at night to search for her an oxygen supply. I searched for her medicine high and low. I tried my best. We all thought that was it but, she went through. She became stronger and better, and she went home.

3 weeks later, mom said she was admitted due to dehydration. Next day, my cousin called and said her condition had become worst. The doctor already called for relatives to gather, pay their last respect. She went to the worst condition, but came back better than before her cancer. When i saw her, i didn't know if she recognize me. But i recognize her. With the same grin, the same smile, i recognise my aunt. We went home. But all of us knew that she won't be long.

Next day, 2/2/2012, at 4.50 am. Pn mahani mahmood, passed away due to internal bleeding and lung cancer stage 4. Her funeral was short and simple yet so many came to pay their last respect to once a wonderful lady, a good friend, a dedicated teacher, a cheerful sibling, the coolest aunt, and a strong and brave cancer fighter. She was my aunt, the late puan mahani mahmood.

Stupid actions

I just want to post this to anyone who might be reading my blog, not that anyone ever read it. But i still jut want to post this up.

One of the stupidest thing i've ever seen anyone doing online is that of writing or rambling on and on about a person whom they had just had a fight with or break up with. They just need the whole world to know that the other half is an idiot or something and that they are mad and horribly upset. So, they shared it to the world. Everyone tried to act sympathetic, helps in bashing or commenting the post by agreeing and insulting the other half, to make their "BFF" feels better.
Whose to know that by the next 3 months, that couple are back again together and happily in love again, acting like their stupid argument has never happened before.. And all the surrounding people acts happy for both of them, supporting, congratulating and wishing them years and years of happiness.. Forgetting that they once insult, gossiped and bad mouth these people before.

And the couple, they are the stupidest of all. They shared all their hatred, and they share their happiness. They just couldn't help but wanted to share EVERYTHING on the virtual world. They didn't think before they share. Didn't think that 1 day, they could be together with the person that they are thrashing now, with their friends. And no matter if they are together or not, everybody knows all the thing about the other half. The good AND the bad. How ironic. The person thatyou trashed about, with your friends. That's the person later on you fell in love and cannot live even a second without it. And when your friends reminded you of all the stories that you once told them, you'll get all sensitive and upset thinking everyone wants to sabotage your happiness. How stupid.

Even stupider, when you break a friendship with once your BFF. Over a person you once hate for what he did. You breakloose yourself because your ex-bff was not on your team of sympathisers. And suddenly one day, you came back to the guy, all happy and content. But your ex-bff is just another old story. Nothing change. And that's how much you value your friendship.

I guess i never understand much about friendship. Not even in the schooldays. It too much a complicated bond for me to handle. And all that i ever had was just a fake bond, where everything go bust once you no longer see them everyday. No one tells me anything anymore. I just knew it either from other peoples' mouth or the social media. And that's how much my friendship's worth. To everyone. How good was that to know. And i'm being said the bad one. Because i didn't take part. I didn't asked. I didn't tell. I didn't care. Oh what the hell, the only reason these are not on my social status is because i value too much for my family name to make a fool of myself. But if i didn't think so much of that, i would have posted these toneach and everyone of you fakers' walls. You didn't gave a damn when you posted about me. Why should i be any less kinder?

Friendship is not what it is as it used to be. If anyone of who happened to read this post and thinks i'm wrong, then correct me please. I wouldn't mind taking a hit for the right reason. But trust me, you guys shared to much out there, you just don't value your privacy any much anymore.

Only stupid people do stupid actions.

Ahah! Modern technologies!

Sometimes, modern technologies kept me at an awe position with it's marvelous possibilities in our life. Okay, most of the time. But seriously, imagine living our life without these little techs, i sometimes how we even manage to go through our lives before these devices were even created! Thanks to the new revolution, i can now blog through my iphone:)

Updates

Well, First thing first, I finished my diploma and passed my exams.. Alhamdulillah..

Now, i'm working part time at my family office in titiwangsa, KL, while also doing part time locum at Tawakkal Hospital.

I'm going to start working officially on 2nd May 2011.. Give me 2 - months break before i devoted my next 2 years in working 5 and a half day a week =)

I'm also currently undergoing Emergency Medical Training (EMT) course during these two months with my office colleagues, just for extra knowledge and cert =D

I'm also in plan of going to Australia early April for a 10-day holiday there so hopefully i'll enjoy while there's still time. I just love the scenery =)

Oh- My- Farewell- Partay!!

Our farewell party was quite the havoc!

it's a chance for all of us to dress up, drop the hassle and party our heart out!

Our farewell dinner was organized by our dearly junior cohort 8 at the Allson Kelana Hotel hear at Nilai.. the venue was suitable for our number and very convenient. For this occasion i spent more than 2 hours at the saloon to get myself wonderful and beatify =)

i went with my bff and the saloon made us both look FAB!

well, i can say mission accomplished for that night as i get what i want, the "Best Dress" award!

yay me! haha

here's some pixcies for sharing =)

After a while..

After quite sometime.. i'm not sure how long, i'm finally updating my blog. phew!

Well, for one thing, i'm no more a teenager, but i'm not gonna change my blog's name to adolescences mind now am i? haha

i'm 21 for that matters.. to say that my 20th birthday sucks, my 21st is much better =D

my friends celebrated my 21st in a big bang! with flours all over. haha. interesting.

still waiting for my family celebration when all of us are gathered together..

got plenty of chocolates this year! and 1 "mata besar" doll =)

pictures will come up later..

anyway, i'm finishing my 3-years diploma of physiotherapy.. 3-years have gone by just like that..

my last practical session was at my sponsored hospital, KPJ Tawakkal.. i went there before and this time i went for 3 months.. i started to familiarize with my working surrounding.. my soon-to-be colleagues.. i'm just not sure i'm ready yet. phew *nervous*

anyway, lots have gone by.. still wishing i'm still a teenager, actually, a schoolgirl, but i know it's time to a grow up =)

Too much in 1 month!

Too much is happening in 1 month...

1) i'm finally finishing my practical at Ampang Puteri after 2-fullofhell-months there..

seriously, i won't be bothered coming back.. it's damn full wtih stress and egoistic people who think they are better than everyone in the world but when it comes to their job, they only sat around lazily at the pantry,watching movies,sleeping (don't even bother to cover their snores) while easily use the students as slaves..easy solution because the students aren't paid..they are getting the easy money (yet they aren't thankful enough)..we,students,can't really say anything because our marks are in their hands..at the end of practical,THEY expect US to say thank you for everything,every knowledge they've thought us,every opportunity they've given us...but THEY wont say thank you to US for helping them,or in other words,DID ALL THEIR WORK FOR THEM! one knowledge i learnt here, NEVER EVER EVER be like them.

2)Mirul's lost his father recently..on 23rd march 2010.. due to Acute Coronary Syndrome..or heart attack..that is a turning point for my life...i realized we can go at anytime, anywhere.. and i'm scared...i tried to be there for him as much as i can..i brought him to nilai to ask permission for changing his clinical placement so that he can be nearer to his mother, i accompanied him to ipoh to gather all his stuff from the hostel there..i tried to be there for his mother as well...but i somehow still feels guilty to his late father, to his mother...to him...

because there are just too much time that he spent with me..that he can, could spend with his family...with his father..now, i vow not to take his time with his mother..let him spend all the time with his mother...seeing him so vulnerable,so fragile, makes me sad..terribly sad...and i can't go on with my live, have fun like i used to, because i know that he is sad...i can't have fun when he is sad..because i can only smile, be happy when i can share everything in this world with him... and i can't just do that now...i need time..i need time and he needs space..i know he's going to be different...i mean,he's the head of the family now..so he needs to learn to be a man..be responsible for his family..and i can't stop him..i need to support him..and he told me he can't reply messages as he used too..can't spend all the time in the world for only me now..i knew that...so if anything,he says, just call...his uncle told him to marry quickly, find someone not by the looks but by the heart..who loves him and loves his mother..he hesitate then he looked at me..my reaction?

a)why did he hesitate?is he having his doubt on his relationship with me?

b)shit! i'm not ready yet...too early!

but it's more to a...i mean..i love him so much..i have proven my love to him since 7/1/2009

and i love his mother dearly..so i dont know why he hesitate...i'm kind of worried before...i'm still worried now...it's like...he can break up at any moment with me...and i don't want that...

3)My wisdom tooth, the very, dearly,troublesome tooth at the back, is giving me trouble..so i had them took out today..30th march 2010..yes,THEM..there are two of them,1 on the upper jaw,1 on the lower jaw..and the bleeding still haven't stop..they had to bius me 3 times..so i become numb..then they use a tool like the screwdriver or ice-breaker or something and dig out my lower tooth first..it's painful although i'm numb.. then they took the spanar or whatever they call it,the one you used to open the sink drainage, and they try to pull out my tooth..but i went back in so they had to dig again and pull out again..same goes on the upper ones...CRAZY isn't it?

then they had to stitched back my gum that was torn during the process and i had to come back next week to take the stitches out..warrrgghh!!!!!

the glorious wisdom teeth..

told you soooo many things happened this months..

20 sucks!

u know..

this year's birthday...sucks

i know i made a resolution to make this year an extraordinary year..

to find or do extraordinary things..

so far, i went to Boys Likes Girls concert for the nokia x6 launch at damansara..

next i went to an autoshow which i never what it's about in shah alam...

then i played futsal which i never ever dreamed of wanting to play it...

but for my birthday, it sucks...

my boyfriends forgets it because he was too busy with exams and stuff...

my family forgets it because they're too busy..

my bestfriends forgets it because they're too busy with their life...

and when he promised to make it up to me, bang goes another problem where his family is going on vacation until next tuesday...which makes the celebration just a dream...

told ya this year sucks.

i'm not hoping for anything next year..

i hate being hurt again.

Truth , Lies and Consequences...

You know how u think u know the person well enough.. But then one day u found out the real truth that everything was actually a lie..and u have to bear over the consequences?

I hate that feeling.

I hate him.

Happy New Year , 2010 !!

Happy new year to everyone!

Happy 2010... This year i'm turning 20 years old.... SCARY!!

anyways, new year supposed to be coming with new year resolutions..

Last year resolutions was to get a sponsorship, to get a car, to acquire a serious relationship...

All target achieved i can say! haha..

This year, my resolutions are to study hard and maintain my sponsorship and results, to maintain my relationship without breaking up... to travel more...and learn more...to open my eyes and see new things...and discover something extraordinary this year!

Hope it can be achieved just like last year =)

Keyra Mansor

Eyh2!!!

my sis is opening a bussiness with her friends...

it's a bridal boutique together with catering and all that jazz.

check it out!

www.keyramansor.com

i like this one..but i like that one too?

I like this...thing...but i also like the other thing...confusing?

ok..for easier way to translate..

i like my sony w980..but i've always like my nokia's 5300..

i like both of them very much...but i can't use both everytime...

i want to let go of my nokia...but i don't have the courage...it have always been a good friend to me...

but i also like my sony...it gave so much to me...anything and everything that i ever wanted..for a phone..i mean,it gave a lot better than my nokia...but somehow..i always like my nokia..

what should i do??

i can't have them both at the same time!it's not....acceptable...

but i cant let go of my sony...nor can i forget about my nokia...

hurm...i'm confused...i reaaaaallllllyyyy dont know what i should do..

how??

p/s..in real life..it's not really about the phone..

confused,mixed up....dream??

haven't been blogging for a long time..
been busy lately..

anyway, got some story to share.

first, i'm finishing my practical session at Tawakal Hospital for the second time.. I love working here..it's fun! haha.. Now i sounded like a workaholic..

Anyway, i'm having the time of my life with my best friends..

But always falling sick lately..

Viral fever, headache,faint,conjunctivitis,allergy reactions...

too much! i hate being sick..i know there's nothing i can to do change it..but i still hate it..

there's not much u can do when you're sick..

like right now..i'm on my medical leave for 3 days..and i have nothing to do..

however, i'm glad i'm alive and able to do so much things that some others can't do..

Secondly, i'm always confused with my self..i don't know what to be...i don't know how to behave..

i'm different with others as i'm with my family or on my own..

but i can never know how to be every part of me..

sometimes i think..maybe i will never be, who i was before..

maybe i don't know her anymore..maybe who i am today,ain't so far from yesterday..

can i ever find a way to be..every part of me?

but i know,my true friends,will always be by my side..no matter how i am..

because true friend,accept you as you are..

i like to dream..wonderful dreams..romantic dreams..like these words..to dream

"Do me a favor,

And tell me what you think about me

Paint a picture

Choose your colors extra wise

Especially what you put on my mind

Imagine what it be like to touch the sky,

Whoa, you got my head in the clouds

Whoa, you got me thinking out loud

The more you dream about me the more that I believe

That nothing’s ever out of reach

So dream, dream, dream

I breathe your visions

They pull me through the coldest of nights

They steer me towards that moment in time

When you show me what it means for you to be mine, yeah"

part of the words anyway..

u know what?life is full of dreams...that's where everything started..

and maybe,without a dream,i wont be where i am today...

but sometimes people told me,it's easier to just listen and follow your heart..and u'll be okay..

but sometimes,listening to ur heart, could break u apart..not knowing which way to follow..

and it's so confusing,complicated,frustrating and sometimes makes me angry with myself..

all these makes me more mixed up..and leaving me with more doubt..

everything i do,is making me more confused...

used to be easy..all i have to be was me..

everywhere i go, is somewhere that i dont know..

ouh i hate this feelings..please somebody help me...

hold me,tell me,everything gonna be okay..

please...somebody...

feeling....idontknow?

i dont know..what certain peoples' problems are...

i dont know..what people think of me...

i dont know..if i can make it through this time in college..

i dont know..if i can hold back my anger to certain people..

i dont know..if i can be patience all the time..

i dont know..what the future may brings..

i dont know..if i can smile all day..

i dont know..if i can laugh all day..

i dont know..if i can stay this way..

i dont know..if i can tell everyone the real truth..

i dont know..how to face this world..alone..

there are many things that i dont know..that i'm not sure of..

but some of it i found out with the help of my friends..my family...

but most of it..i have to find out on my own..

how do i do that?but still have a smile on face, a laugh in my life...and a dream in my future?

how?how ?

how to tell people...to let go?

how to say..thank you in the most sincerest way?

how to say.... goodbye?

i dont like being an outcast..

i dont like being alone...

i dont like being left alone..

but sometimes...that helps prepare others when i wont be here any longer..

somehow...it helps me living without others...

is that how this is all supposed to be?supposed to end?

I DONT KNOW..

Life

What is the real reason we live? To fulfill our dreams and fill our life with good things..

To do wrong things,to make mistakes...and learn from them...

To find our way out through problems...to make others laugh with us...

Why do we need friends? Because we can't stand alone in this world..

That's why we rely on others... That's why we need others to survived..

We cannot face the challenges alone.. Who's gonna help us if we fall down... If we're at our lowest point? Who's gonna be there to share our joy and laugh with us when we're at our happiest moment?

In this life..we need to give and take..

We cannot expect others to listen to us all the time..

But we must stand up for what we believe for...if the time and place is suitable..

We have to sometimes let go and listen to others...follow other people ideas..

I know, at times, we think our ideas is the best...

But our views are not the same...

So learn to give and take...

Because sometimes...it's not our satisfaction that's important...

It's the satisfaction of others towards what we do for them...

So, to all of you..learn to tolerate others...and they will tolerate you...

Learn to respect others...and they will learn to respect you...

Learn to appreciate others...and they will appreciate you...

Learn to live with others...and they will certainly adapt to live with you...

SADSADSADSADSADSAD!!!!!

I'm terribly sad and devastated..My beloved rabbit..had died...NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It was bitten by 2 stray dogs which managed to enter the garden yesterday morning..

Dafy must have been terrified! It's a good rabbit.. Very..happy i can say..

It goes anywhere it wants to go..and return home at night..every night..

It can be friends with cats, chickens..and who knows what other animals did it became friends with... Dafy,i miss you!! I'm sorry i came back late from college or else i might get to see you again.

The last time i met you was last week..before i go back to college..

you were so adorable, even though you are covered with dirts..

I'm gonna miss seeing you hope around...running around the garden to catch you...

I remembered it took 3 people just to catch you..because you ran so fast...you hop so high..

Dafy..i will always,always,always...remember you..

in loving memory..220607 - 280809

how smal...and cute..and CLEAN you were...

you grew bigger...130408

....and dirtier..haha

..and 2 weeks before u "went away"...

Dafy...i miss you...

22nd june 2007 - 28th august 2009

today...

I was damn frustrated that i didn't get to go out today..i hate it..

my father won't allow me to go out inpublic..due to these epidemic H1N1..

Damn those swine flu..i was really looking forward to go out today..i planned to watch G.I. Joe with mirul...but he went with his friends instead..i'm not mad at him.i'm not mad at my dad..

i know he did this to protect me..

this year,i think i set a record of being admitted to hospital..normally,i'll get admitted once a year...

this year, i've already been admitted 4 times i think..now that's kind of disturbing..haha

it's not that i enjoy being in a hospital..being admitted i mean..i hate to trouble everyone else...

to come and visit or to come and stay with me or keep me company..i hate interupting their plans..

that's why usually,when i'm admitted to the hospital,i prefer to stay alone..

i asked my mom not to trouble herself to watch me at hospital..she may come if she want..but i'm not forcing her to take care of me..

as for my sister,all of them the same..i dont want to trouble them..so,i'll let them come whenever they want..

actually,being in a hospital is quite boring but also calmful..relaxing...

i get to spend time with myself...it's a rare oppurtunity for me..haha

anyway,that's all i'm babbling for today...write again later!

hey xera!

hey xera!!

sowie for the late wish...HAPPY 19TH BDAY TO U!!

Hope u are and will always be bless by Allah..

Hope u had a wonderful and joyous life..

Hope our friendship will be there forever for us..

Hope u had the best in every thing in your life..

Hope u had a hea;thy, wealthy and wonderful life..

Happy Birthday,xera!!

Later when we get back to college we'll celebrate ok??